Connect better during sex

Connect better during sex

Sexual chemistry may not always come easily, but you can improve your love life with the right approach

(Qu) I have been with my partner for seven months and we love each other deeply, but we just can't seem to connect sexually. It's getting to the point where neither of us can reach an orgasm and he will finish himself. I have always had trouble reaching orgasm but I just accepted that I don't have a high sex drive. I don't know what can be done to help this situation.

(Ans) Sometimes, despite being very much in love and feeling attracted to each other, the sexually chemistry doesn't automatically click. It needs to be nurtured and doing this requires becoming mentally connected. Take some time together that is sensual rather than sexual. In fact, build some sexual anticipation by taking the possibility of sex off the agenda.

Start your seductive time together by engaging in activities such as erotic massages, body kisses and drawing on each other's skin (you can use honey or chocolate sauce). Whatever you do, make it loving, sensual fun and all about the two of you and your connection.

Sexual desire is incredibly diverse and two people in love in every way can have vastly different sexual desires. These need to be discovered, shared and negotiated.

Once you have spent some time sensually with each other and talked about your ideal sex, fantasies and desires (a process that can take some time), you can move to intimate sexual stimulation, but still without intercourse. Indulge in creatively bringing each other to orgasm with hands, lips and tongues. Show each other what feels best and use your hands together so you both learn about each other's sexual responses.

When you do have intercourse again, all these activities will have bonded you, deepened your sexual intimacy and created a whole new level of mental connection during sexual expression. Rely on these new skills as you make love and if it doesn't work the first time, don't focus on feeling any sense of failure. Rather, think of your sex together as a journey of pleasure that you have only just begun.